Am I pretty enough? That’s a question that I repeatedly ask myself everyday. 

Seeing the other girls my age pass by me and notice how pretty they are without worrying about how bad they look I envy that. Standing here looking at my bathroom mirror. I feel plain, I didn’t feel as though I was quite extraordinary. My nose was too big, my lips were thin and I didn’t really like my eyes either. My tummy rolls whenever I sit down with a new crop top that I bought that I love. My glasses are as thick as the atmosphere on Venus, it makes me hate my eyes even more. As if I wish I wasn’t born the way I am. I wish to be different, I wish to be noticed once in my life. 

“I am not what I am,”  I’m turning into something that I cannot describe. Like a bird in a cage trying to get out and also fly away from all these expectations society and myself have. I tried painting my face to the point I love them just enough. I hide my face when a camera is shown in front of it. I didn’t feel pretty enough. Why did I become like this? Trying to fit in with others. Craving for the simplest compliment that makes me feel like I’m pretty enough. 

Each time looking into the mirror there’s this figure that scares me. Swollen eyes bag, pale skin and acne with scars. I feel “ugly.” 

Homecoming posters were being put everywhere around my school. Seeing other girls getting asked out. I feel jealous, I want to be loved too. But I’m not skinny enough. I don’t like to go out and have fun, I stay at home. I’m too quiet and not that perfect girl everybody wants. I don’t have that flawless skin and those straight white teeth with perfect smiles. Not like those girl I wish I was them. Flat stomach, curvy waists who look good without any makeup on. I wonder if I’m pretty enough. Changing what I’m wearing five times to see which outfit looks good on me and doesn’t show all my ugliness. 

Weight-loss pills make me feel weak. Starving myself to death fearing I would gain more weight if I eat more. But maybe I’m wrong, maybe I don’t know the reality of my situation. Just how other people think they’re prettier than everyone else and better than anyone else. Maybe they’re wrong too. But I sometimes wish I had their over-confidence. Unfortunately, my negative feelings go beyond my looks, sometimes  I  don’t like the sounds of my voice or even my laugh. I think I’m burning alive but nobody sees the fire. I feel as if I’m ten feet off the ground floating outside of my body feeling like I don’t belong here trying to fit in with others but ended up losing my own self. Why can’t I just be pretty?