Abusive relationships are harmful and should never be tolerated. Typically when people hear or see the words “abusive relationship” they immediately imagine a relationship of physical abuse. Although this situation is very common, it is just as common for there to be an emotionally abusive relationship. Both are equally bad for the victims, and both can cause great consequences on their mental health. In relationships with abuse, it may seem that there is no “happy ending” or a way out. This is wrong. It is possible to both heal and avoid an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, and this can be accomplished simply by understanding the warning signs, as well as having resources available to provide support.  

What is a physically abusive relationship? A physically abusive relationship, also known as domestic violence, is when someone intentionally harms someone who they are in a relationship with. These relationships could be with a romantic partner, a parent, a guardian, a friend, a coworker, basically anyone who you would consider yourself in relation to. An abusive relationship can be caused by people of either gender. With this being said, it is most likely a woman to be the victim in a heterosexual relationship. According to “National Domestic Violence Hotline,” “Just under 15% of women (14.8%) and 4% of men in the US have been injured as a result of intimate partner violence that included rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner” (National Domestic Violence Hotline). By looking at these statistics it can be known that a larger percentage of victims are women rather than men. This is typically because women are seen as lesser than men, so when a man hits a woman some see it as him “asserting dominance” over her and is “seen as a natural expression of male dominance” (Honor Killings Domestic Violence Othello Readings 2023). It is this idea that leads some people to believe that this abuse is okay, when in reality this as well as any other form of abuse will never be okay.

What is an emotionally abusive relationship? An emotionally abusive relationship also includes verbal abuse. This type of relationship happens when there’s not any physical abuse, but the person who you are in a relationship which has behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, and stalking. Like a physical relationship, this could happen between you and anyone who you consider to be in relation to. 

When entering a relationship, it is important to watch for any and all warning signs or “red flags.” It is never easy to spot these signs, as people tend to ignore or shut out these signs because of their desperation to like the person. These signs may not be as obvious at first, but the deeper a person goes with their partner, the more that will show. Some warning signs that may show up for either relationship are feeling controlled, you’re always apologizing, “love bombing,” any small disagreements turn into fights, you get shut down at any effort to try and communicate, you’ve forgotten what you used to be like  before the relationship, etc. A lot of these signs that are common in abusive relationships are signs exhibited by the character Othello in “Othello.” In the beginning, Othello is a very warm and loving husband to Desdemona, but as time progresses and their relationship deepens he changes. Although the major cause of his change in behavior is due to Iago, it is also caused by Othello himself. Othello can be a very prideful man, as he tends to see himself higher than others. As a result of this, he believes he knows more than he actually does, this can be known as the “Dunning Kruger Effect.” This Dunning Kruger Effect is when a person has limited competence in a particular area and overestimates their knowledge/abilities. A simple example is a student athlete on their highschool swim team being the best at their school, but then getting to college and being at the bottom (Episode 192: “The Dunning Kruger Effect”). Like Othello, he was unaware of the actual truth behind Iago’s allegations but still proceeded to believe that he knew. It is this mindset that leads to Othello’s change. He starts showing signs of abuse towards Desdemona like not communicating, being very harsh and quick to anger her, he is causing her to always be apologizing and thinking their problems are her fault, and more. Eventually, Othello slaps his wife with zero remorse and then later proceeds to kill her. Othello demonstrates both physical and emotional abuse that can occur in a relationship. These situations can happen to anyone at any time and by watching for these warning signs, people are more likely to avoid and get out of an abusive relationship faster.

Healing takes time. Victims who are fresh out of an abusive relationship are not going to immediately be fine and ready to open themselves up again. They are dealing with many emotions from what they’ve just been through and it is best not to rush them in their healing process. It is important that any victim of an abusive relationship takes steps to heal and repair the damage that has been inflicted on their personal views, physical body, and mentality. This process begins with acknowledging that it was abuse and that they are worth more than the way they’ve been treated. Healing from abusive relationships takes hard work, as it is essentially a complete shift in mindset. A person needs to go from constantly having negative thoughts to changing them to positive. A person needs to learn to put themselves and their needs first, to really start changing the way they view themselves. Although it will be easy to just slip back to their old ways, it is important to keep trying as everyone can heal in time.

No one, not even the most horrible and hated people, are ever deserving of an abusive relationship. Being in those situations negatively changes a person in a way most people wont understand unless they themselves have been a victim to one. It is important to know that anyone can heal with time. Even though it may not seem like it to some people, healing is more than possible. As well as avoiding these situations. Although both are hard, people can heal from and avoid abusive relationships. It comes down to a matter of understanding abuse and its many forms, as well as acknowledging it when a person may not want to. Remember that no abuse should ever be accepted in any situation, as everyone is worth so much better.