In our lives, we have experienced some sort of bonding that either goes well or not. Making companions and friends is like a speed date or trying a new drink and deciding whether you like it. However, there will be that one drink that you at first like, but as you drink it often it will get overwhelming. Because you ordered that drink repeatedly, the barista thinks that’s your favorite drink and has it ready for you. These are what I call an overwhelming mess. That’s what you have to be careful about whenever you make new friends. It’s effortless to mistake someone as a good person because of first impressions or gradually later on. This is what happens in Othello when Iago goes around, twisting and turning his words to lead to an outcome he would be satisfied. No one wants a friend like that, so I’ll be telling you any gradual hints of someone to possibly avoid.
One of the major things to consider is how they treat others around them or different circumstances. If they make you do what they want like a server, then that’s already a sign that the person might either have a main character mindset, or a narcissist. They can sometimes use an excuse that they’re not good at doing this and that or they can’t interact with others. However, actions can cover up someone’s true intentions like in Othello. Iago would sugarcoat his other clients to pinpoint them together, creating a scene. He acts as if he is a good person, but only in front of his crowd. What I mean by “pinpoint” is he will talk to everyone in a character they thought was him, while twisting his words to make them go how he wants them to follow. How I would say to know more about the person if you want to be more cautious is to talk with other people they interacted with and ask what they’ve done, like gossip.
First impressions are always the most important thing to act on when you want to show a group of people/ someone who you “really” are. If you stay quiet, people will think you don’t care for anything. If you’re super talkative and loud, people would assume that you’re a rude person and popular. However, once you get to know the person, most of the time they’ll be the opposite of what you thought they were. This is an example of the “Dunning Kruger Effect.” The simplest way I could explain what it is is that a person can either overestimate/ underestimate someone/ something or themselves. Someone could act like a great person when you started talking to them, but as you got closer they would start being repulsive. This doesn’t mean that every person who acts like a great person is always bad, but be aware that there’s never not chance that someone’s twisted in some way.
I’ve dealt with someone like this before so here’s one of the major things you have to pay attention to. When someone says “My friends leave me” or “Why does everyone leave me?”, there will always be a reason why the “friends” they mentioned leave. I don’t recommend sticking with them for long because you’ll be experiencing why people have left them. When I had this type of friendship, at first it was pretty fun but draining because they would be talking a lot and overall act like a cool person. Not even a week they got very comfortable, too comfortable to be exact. They started talking about some very controversial things which I was not so comfortable with but at the same time, I was not so “different” from them.
As time went by, almost every hour or so they’d vent about everything. It’s not bad to vent, but venting almost continuously is emotionally draining to the other person. To make it short, it turns out they were the same with every person, talking behind so many people’s backs and twisting their words. Even lying makes them act like the victim. You don’t want a friend that will try to prove every action they did was the reason they’re like this. That’s like saying abuse is passed down from family genetics. They’ll even gaslight you that if someone leaves them, something bad will happen to them and it will be all blamed on someone. You don’t want to be like that “person” so you stay with them.
Eventually, however, you have to leave them. If you ever have to go through this where that type of person gaslights you or guilt trips you to stay with them, it’s never your fault. As I’ve said, a friend or partner is like finding your favorite drink and you can change up your flavors whenever you want or need. You have your feelings and boundaries and you can stop someone whenever you want.
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