Many of my friends are now seeking girlfriends solely to have one; their main intention is not to find someone to have a lasting relationship with, but to get short-term validation and gratification. However, this temporary love is often driven by infatuation and chasing ambitions and personal interests, such as sexual desires. In these relationships, there is an imbalance in sacrifice, passion, and commitment. This one-sided love is problematic because it often results in emotional pain, insecurity, and desperation, as shown by examples from Shakespeare’s “Othello,” modern music, and even stories from people’s everyday experiences.
In one of Shakespeare’s greatest works, Othello, the main character Othello falls in love with a young Venetian woman named Desdemona after arriving in Venice. Prior to his arrival, another wealthy man named Roderigo had fallen in love with Desdemona and her body. His love for Desdemona was so extreme that it drove him into a crazed frenzy of desperation and insecurity. He did everything he could to try to woo Desdemona, but he eventually lost a lot of his money and possessions by making irrational decisions while blinded by his lust.
In the same play, Othello, another one-sided relationship is exemplified through Cassio and Bianca. Bianca, like Desdemona, truly loves Cassio and wishes to marry him. Bianca puts in so much time and effort to woo Cassio and even is there to care for him when he is injured in Act 5, Scene 1. On the other hand, Cassio only sees Bianca as a prostitute and uses her body to meet his sexual desires. He even continues to mock her behind her back to other people. Cassio knows that Bianca loves him, but he does not acknowledge their relationship, leading to a one-sided relationship that ultimately emotionally hurts Bianca most.
A calm, melodic song that I really enjoy, “Through and Through” by Khai Dreams, also shows the issues of love through a one-sided relationship. In the song, the narrator constantly thinks and obsesses over his lover and says that he will find his way to her no matter what.
“Oh through and through
Oh through and through I’ll find my way to you
Though I’ll admit it may take me some time”
– Khai Dreams
In this excerpt, the narrator is showing his dedication to his lover by saying that he will find his way to his love by overcoming obstacles through time and effort. Throughout the entire song, he says that he is constantly thinking about his lover and obsesses over her, even after recognizing that they will likely “seek a separate life.” This one-sided love that the speaker has for his lover makes him desperate and constantly think about her.
Image of Mojave Phone Booth
An episode from the 99% Invisible Podcast about the Mojave Phone booth expresses the flaws of one-sided relationships. The podcast illustrates the story of a man who continuously called a telephone in the middle of a desert for no other purpose than to see if someone would pick up. “He started dialing the number several times a day, everyday,” without any guarantee that anybody was on the other end. For a month, he continued to call the number desperately for any connection, making it not only an obsession, but part of his lifestyle and personality. He put in so much effort to try to establish a relationship with anyone, but nobody shared the same desires as him.
One-sided relationships mentally affect both sides negatively, as shown by the examples from Othello, “Through and Through,” and the Mojave Phone Booth. But how can people learn to prevent these relationships? One-sided relationships can be identified if one person is putting in more work than the other, or if one person has more control over the relationship. An example of this is in Othello, when Roderigo puts in the effort with Desdemona, but Desdemona has control over the relationship. Being able to identify and understand one-sided relationships will help you know if a relationship really is working out, or if “it is time to cut ties and move on.”
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