Pianoman

Image of Pianoman and my own cat, Kowalski

Last fall, a black and white tuxedo cat appeared in our backyard. He didn’t look like a stray. His eyes were clean and he seemed a little chunky. His painted black and white coat reminded me of a piano.

Pianoman, I decided.

We wondered if Pianoman had a home already– a cat that well-groomed had to have a family, no? But then why did he stop by everyday for dinner? Why did we only see him roam the neighborhood, on a path to nowhere?

We left food out, and he ate as if he had gone without food for months. I’m not sure if he even spared a glance at the bowl of tap water we sat next to it.

All I could feel was pity. For Pianoman, who was stuck between homes. 

For Pianoman, who spent nights under the overhang, but never dared to come in.

For Pianoman, who one day stopped showing, leaving me constantly hoping he’s out there, alright.

Audio Exposure and the Sunset

Image of my window’s view of the sunset

In between consciousness

in bed, I lay

Like drifting through clouds

or sinking down deep

Mindless chatter, 

Blue, bright screens

Music turned loud

enough to seep into my brain

bleeding into my fantasies

My mouth is dry,

nose runny,

stomach grumbles,

Yet I ignore it all

Can’t bring myself to lift out of bed

Who just knocked on my door?

Doesn’t matter

just ignore it,

Feel the fleeting light

California sun ducking under

please steal my attention

Loud footsteps tumble down the hall

voices yell, doors slam

my face buries into a pillow

from my window, I see the sunset

The sunset

orange and pink and purple

My headphones beep

my phone lights up,

a blurry notification reads,

“Audio exposure”

Just ignore it

turn the music back up

keep your eyes on the sunset

How else do I escape?

Calypso

Painting of “Calypso receiving Telemachus and Mentor in the Grotto” by William Hamilton

Before I even opened my eyes, I felt light pierce my eyelids.

I was tired to the point that I never wanted to wake up, but I could feel light bleeding through so warm I couldn’t help but steal a peek.

To say she looked like the sun would be an understatement. She wasn’t even looking at me– distracted with folding laundry as if today was any other. As if I woke up here every morning, as if this was our life everyday.

(Not that I’m complaining, or anything.)

When she talked, it sounded like my favorite song. The one that reminded me of car karaoke and tropical vacations.

My lips quivered when I told her I never wanted to leave here.

She told me I still had a battle left to fight. 

Five more minutes told her, and I forcibly shut my eyes.

The scene shifted. We were in a field, flowers bloomed everywhere. The moon was directly overhead, stars surrounded each corner of the night sky as if city lights never existed.

I watched as she picked a violet. Then, a lily. She put one in my hair, then one in hers. 

She smiled at me as if I was her moon. 

I let my head fall onto her shoulder, I wasn’t ready to go yet. Not today, not tomorrow.

I felt her breath on my neck, and she bit softly. I flinched, and she gripped my head. Stop thinking so much, silly, she said. 

How could I? Not when the dread of getting up to fight again settled in my stomach. All I could do was let her hold me again, one last time, before I had to leave forever.

I didn’t want to be another, a story to tell the next. But she can never leave this island. And I’m destined to always leave.

It was dawn when we stood side by side, the shore barely reaching our feet. A wooden raft floated on the surface, my chariot back home. 

As I drifted back away, I caught a glimpse of a glistening tear slipping down her cheek, joining the rushing of waves below.

Suddenly, the sun felt too hot, and yet not enough at the same time.

I readied myself to fight again.

Space Girl

Single cover of “space girl” by Frances Forever 

“Space Girl, show me the stars

You know the galaxies of my heart”

We rode stars together, ran through galaxies. Wind in our hair, we floated endlessly together.

It began simply. I needed somewhere to run, and so that’s what we did.

She wasn’t from here. She came from far, never belonging, an alien in her own right.

“When we kiss or dance in the sky

We’re dancing in the sky”

We weren’t rich, but it didn’t matter. Just us, and the endless expanse of the void, ready to be explored.

I couldn’t dance, but she taught me how.

Looking above it all, we promised to never let each other go.

“Space Girl, the only way that we’d end

Was if you were sucked into a black hole

But I’d still spend my days dreaming ’bout you (ooh)”

And for once, I thought I had something.

She promised, right? So why am I stuck, in the place I began?

I hate her. I hate her, but she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

“I hope (hope, hope)

You (you, you)

Play (play)

This song (song, song)

Someday (some, some, day)

And think (think, think)

Of (of, of)

Earth Girl (Earth Girl)

Who loves (love, love, love, love)

Space Girl (Space Girl)”

Burn

Painting of “The Great Fire of London, 1666” by Jan Griffier

I wish I had the strength to fight.

So many– so many evil people in the world. 

So many bystanders.

But what can I do? Get mad at them over the internet? Even if they put me in the ring; I’m just a teenage girl. 

That’s why I wish I had powers. Super strength, speed, whatever. I promise I’ll use them for good.

(Well, vigilantism at the worst.)

So that’s why I promise. I will grow up, and I will fight. For those who can’t fight themselves. For those who never got the chance.

I will light the match to burn it all down, even if it means rebuilding the world again.