Infinitum(I)

   Just you and me to infinity. Right? Why am I thinking like this again? It feels like I’m a depressing person. You left me alone Joshua, why? Saying those words hurt now doesn’t fill me with joy. All those memories I made with you hurt me. Everything that reminds me of you hurts. Why did you leave? You made those words stitch our hearts together. I feel this void in me now it feels uncomfortable. I want you to come back to me. Stay with me to infinity.

Praesentia(II)

    I’m lying on the ground now looking at the ceiling that’s smooth as a blank piece of paper. All I’m thinking is I’m bored as heck. Maybe calling you would help me deal with this everlasting boredom. Grabbing my phone next to my head I searched for your contact. Joshua the Moron(mora) pressing face time I waited for a few seconds and you finally picked up. Your voice comes through the speaker saying: Hi.  I realized that your voice always helped me when I was bored, sad, or angry with my brothers.

Ignorantia(III)

   Finally coming out of my thoughts I replied simply: I’m bored. Help me out pleasssse? Your laugh and smile came through the phone, and you replied with a simple no. My face changes to a frown as I look at you. And with a simple tap on my phone, your face disappears on my screen. I picked myself off the ground and opened my blinds allowing me to see the sun glaring down at me. Turning I left my room trying to find something to find. Leaving me to think about what to eat. As I walk down the stairs to the kitchen. I was forgetting my boredom and you on my mind as I went through my kitchen. Not paying attention to those missed calls from you.

Memoria(IV)

    Memories of you go through my mind as I search for a reason to stop these depressing thoughts—happy memories of us in elementary school as we bonded over our similarities. We separated now in different middle and high schools, yet we still talk as if nothing changed with us being so far away now. I’ve liked you for years until we entered 7th grade. So much changed around us both in 7th grade and it was all my fault as I somewhat questioned our friendship these past couple of years.

 Gratus(V)

    You never had a problem with our friendship. All I did was doubt why we become friends. That one thought changed everything and I forced myself to make new friends trying to find a new bond I could latch onto. We still called like crazy and texted until the sun rose. Yet because of me, our relationship had changed. I never admitted to you but I always wanted to thank you for helping me when I was at my lowest. Thank you for being that person who understood me. Thank you for being my net. And finally thank you for being the first person who loved me for being me.

Rememorārī (VI)

   I’m not okay. That void is starting to expand. It’s been expanding so much in me. Since you finally cut me off from your life. Or rather your parents had decided to cut me off from your life. Seeing our text late at night or how long we had called each other. Dried tears stain my face with glossy streaks where they trail down my face. Crying in the bathroom in this RNB house I’m staying at as I go through our old texts. And that is when I fell into that void that has expanded over time. Goodbye, Joshua.