Going into Kindergarten is a pretty big step for a lot of people growing up, like the first dip of your feet into a bigger pool. What’s especially scary about it, at least for me, was that I didn’t really know anyone, and I was a bit of a reserved kid.

Apparently, my brother spent his first day of kindergarten dressed as Elvis. Not only did I doubt it, but I could not see myself doing anything like that. Unlike him, I did not go to school dressed as a celebrity, just a normal kid. 

We didn’t have to do much, just getting to know the teacher and some other things, after a bit the teacher let us go to do whatever we wanted. That was when I met one of the most outgoing and friendly people I think I’ve ever met.

“Hey, I like your necklace.”
“Thanks.”

“What’s your name?”
And we shared our names.

“Wanna be friends?”

“Yes.”
And that was all it took for us to become friends, surprisingly it was me that walked to that kid sitting alone with blocks, and I’m glad I did. I don’t talk to him now, but I’m grateful that we met that day. He’s still one of the  greatest people I know, and both of us remember that day.

“Self-Made Man”

A lot of people, or at least when I thought of independence–thought it meant just being able to take care of yourself, basic things, like  washing your own clothes, cooking for yourself, having a job.

Independence is a bit scary to me, it’s a lot more complicated than just self-care. To be independent means to be able to support yourself on your own, take care of yourself, work, in school you have to be responsible for your own grades, and you have to be able to  keep up with everything going on in your life. 

Independence is also important to me. You have to be able to do all of those things on your own to show you can keep going and to keep going, and it’s great to have that freedom of independence, a lot of people even now don’t have that.

But, for everyone, no one is born independent. We all are born helpless and in need, and it’s something we grow into. Many people believe in this idea of a ‘self-made man’ who is completely independent and successful and everything they’ve done they did it by themself; but for the most part, I don’t think that’s possible. Very few people could make it in life without the support of others like their parents or friends. I think that the people that support us help us grow to become that ideal independent person, and I’m grateful to those people in my life, specifically my mother.

For Everyone I know

Some days, I just don’t want to do anything. Some days, I just want to rot. To stay home, stay in my crypt and lay in my coffin. It’s a hard feeling to overcome, and it hurts me, not just emotionally, but in class and all aspects of my life right now.

It’s easy to slip and fall, and drown in your thoughts. I have days where I’ll be feeling great, I had a good day with friends, I’m understanding a subject. But then I think about that one or two classes, or that embarrassing moment, or the what-ifs, and then I feel gross.

What’s hard is to find a reason, or reasons, to keep going, to push on and smile. A reason doesn’t have to be complex, it doesn’t have to be simple.

I think of all the great people I’ve met, and that they too keep going on, and have likely struggled to find a reason too as well, and that gives me hope. I’ll try my hardest and smile for everyone that I know.

The First Step Is Noticing

“I don’t mind, you can tell me.” These were the words of someone who I barely even knew, just an acquaintance. An Acquaintance who despite only recently meeting me was open to listen and talk to me about my problems.

I wasn’t feeling great, I barely made it to school on time and I didn’t really speak much in my first couple classes, but he noticed, and he took the time to ask me what was wrong.

“Hey man, are you feeling alright? You don’t look great”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“You sure? If somethings wrong, I don’t mind, you can tell me.”

So I did. I told him I was up late studying and I didn’t sleep much, and he didn’t even have to say anything. 

And that’s why he’s one of my greatest friends, and I look up to be like him someday, and I too will listen and be a kind and strong person like he is.

Ready To Be

Kid, tween, teen, young adult; these are the main points in the earlier stages of life, most believe as we develop it is where we get all of our core beliefs, values and behaviors.

It’s a pretty bumpy road, “maturing” is quite difficult. For me, it’s taken a long time. Until I was around 10 all I would really do is just homework and play games, talk to the same friends, and not even have any worries in the world. Then I got stressed about homework and lost friends and was scared, and I changed and I changed.

Right now, I’m still changing, growing into a better person and taking on a lot more responsibilities. I’ve thought a lot more about the future and where I’m going, and I think I’ve become wiser but more afraid. Maturing is amazing, you get to grow as a person physically and emotionally and see things in a different light, but it’s also terrifying and nerve-wracking.

As I grow as a person, I feel more and more ready to say that I am ready to be.