As a student who survived the “gifted kid” crisis, I’ve had many instances that made me question my growth. Throughout my educational career, people of authority have told me, “Wow, you’re so smart and mature! Stop crying; it’s not mature of you! There are no monsters in the dark, and if you keep crying, I will leave you alone! You’re such an old soul…” I get it; they have good intentions, but I’m just a kid. I was seven, and you’re expecting me to be emotionally mature? What are the consequences of your words in my developing mind? “What are the consequences of forced maturity?”

In my experience, people of authority have always expected things to be done perfectly according to their standards, and if not done to a T, then the yelling ensues. Should I blame these people, I don’t know, but I do have some form of dislike for them. But every day, people expect me to be in the know. People will punish me or humiliate me if I fail. No one wants that. I didn’t want that, and I was just seven. What will happen when I turn seventeen? 

Maybe it’s because I’m the only girl on my mom’s side of the family. Do they expect more from me because of my sex? Do they expect me to handle my cousins and my brothers? I remember it all so clearly. My aunt, my grandma, and my mother would tell me, “Go watch your siblings while we shop.” I was a kid. I shouldn’t be doing that! I’m not even the eldest; I am second to youngest, and you expect me to take care of your children? Growing up through this was terrible. I was always held accountable for kids when in reality, I was much younger than all of them. 

These experiences taught me that being overly independent was better than living like a kid. That I can never ask for help because, in my mind, other people won’t agree with my way of doing things. I have to sacrifice my health to achieve more than what people want from me. But hey, that’s workaholism for you. 

And now, these people praise me for the lessons I’ve learned. And I hate to admit it, but maybe I appreciate these experiences growing up. I wouldn’t have the drive to be where I am today. I wouldn’t have the qualities that I value today. 

And at the same time, I lack the emotional maturity to tell myself when to stop. I cannot ask people for help. I lost the playfulness of childhood just so I could be an adult.