Beneath the surface

Her name was Lulu. We all played with her until sunset, and we always put on a show in front of our families, hoping tonight would be the night they would agree to let us sleep over. The feeling of the sun was warming my back as I stood in the four feet range of the pool. Dania and Aisha were in the deeper ends because they were “Big girls,” but I didn’t care. Lulu was walking out, and suddenly when I turned around- thud. Moms rushed to the pool because Lulu couldn’t swim and Dania, as well as Aisha, went to eat the watermelon inside. I tried to peek at the scene but Auntie Fida picked me up and said to go inside, so I did. I never knew what happened until my mom said playing with Lulu might not happen anymore. She drowned and then came back to life, but it wasn’t the same. She couldn’t move her body and when I said Hi Lulu, she would just open her mouth and slurred groans would escape. She couldn’t go to normal school anymore and the girl Nancy would take care of all the time, so Lulu couldn’t know any of my secrets anymore.

The lock that never clicked

I get angry easily—so easily that people call me aggressive when we play musical chairs because “Savannah will push you”, even though I never did, and the one time I did, it was an accident. I hate it so much because I am not what others view me as. If I’m not funny and energetic, what do I have to offer? Judging is the same as envy and you shouldn’t do it, but it’s okay when the 5’1 girl with all the friends in the world and loving family does it. I never say anything though because if I do, I’m looked at as a mean girl, but with my close friends, go ahead and talk about anyone including the girl who eats dinner alone after finishing her practice late and her phone getting taken away for face timing her friends too late at night. The concept will never make sense because “pretty privilege” doesn’t exist. But when the guy I have been crushing on chooses my best friend for her looks, what doesn’t make sense about that?

Visiting my family back home was never easy either. I have two inseparable sisters who are a year and a half apart, and a little brother who is the youngest and the only boy in the family. Where does that leave me? Why do I have to come home from school to all my siblings going out and I’m just left alone with nothing to do? Steven, my younger brother, gets favored by all my aunts and praised by my parents for breathing. My two older sisters, Ava and Leah, are trusted by my parents to do anything, even going out at 2 a.m. I feel so empty inside when I get disincluded. When someone asks me to hang out, I have to quickly shut it down since my parents say no to almost everything I do. It seriously doesn’t add up! One second they’re proud of me for my grades and the next second I’m getting lectured about god knows what. I’m so over it. You know the feeling of anger where you want to cry but you can’t? That’s me all the time. It’s life with Savannah and I hope someone here gets it because I certainly don’t.