Why Life Feels This Way

It’s 6:45 in the morning, the alarm goes off, I turn to my side to pick up my phone. ‘7-2-9-8-6-6’ I mumbled to myself, as I’m scrolling through my apps, I tapped on ‘Spotify’ to listen to some music. Looking through my Christmas playlist ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas’ begins to play. I lay back, close my eyes and think, think about how my life used to feel. Think about how Christmas used to fill me up with joy and wonder. Think about my 5th grade self sitting in a classroom with all my friends watching Christmas movies eating cookies and drinking milk. I think about why life now would feel so empty and colorless. I begin to wonder, why does life feel this way?

Life a few years ago was wonderful, with hugs and interactions, but then a bomb dropped on the earth. Covid, a time of cries, mourns, griefs, and weakness. These times were the lowest point of my 15 year old life. Being alone was the hardest part of it and all my friends who have been with me in weakness have helped me a lot. I think to myself, Was this it, is it because covid ruin my momentum of having a happy life?

When I was little I thought that there weren’t any problems in the world and everything would be sunshine and rainbows. Of course my parents kept it away from me because I was too young to be worrying about anything but school. However as I was growing up, I was maturing, and maturing is realizing that life gives problems that aren’t asked for. My parents would always tell me, “as long as you have a house to grow in, you won’t need to stress”. I think to myself once again, is it because I’m growing up?

To answer the first question, “why does life feel this way”? Although covid and growing up was a main part of it, I’m sure that many other little things have affected my overall mood in life. However, I have learned how to boost my mental health and now I’m back on my feet. 

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