So Far I’m Doing Ok

Brass Antiques & Golden Music

Last spring break I went to this place called Solvang with my mom and my sister, because my mom told me that they had really cool antique shops. I love antiques, because they’re so peaceful, yet grand and big and bold at the same time. They’re so unique compared to what we have today, and it’s amazing. 

I remember this little shop that was slightly off the main road, and I asked my mom (Who I’d already dragged into two antique stores prior to this point, along with my sister) if we could check it out. The first glimpse into the shop did no justice for the inside of the wondrous place.

Everywhere I looked there was polished wood carved into elegant shapes, shining music boxes, intricate clockwork, decorative statues without a single flaw. It felt like royalty.

The ticking of clocks and light strumming of brass instruments and quiet conversations accompanied what I saw with a lovely little melody, creating a symphony in the small world inside the antique shop.

Rabid Carrot

Ra – b – id Ca – rr – ot

Ra+Ca = Ra

rr+b = bb

id+ot = it

Ra + bb + it = Rabbit

Rabid + Carrot = Rabbit

A rabbit is just a rabid carrot which is why the term bunny was developed to throw us off their trail. But now I know the truth.

The First Time I Lost Someone

Nine days before Halloween two years ago, my mom had shown me and my sister an old black cat on Facebook that needed a home because her owner had just died. It took about 30 minutes to convince her to adopt the cat, but my sister and I managed with an endless amount of pleading. Although I think she was already somewhat inclined beforehand. 

We already had two cats, Max and Milo, but they were around the same age so my mom figured it would be alright.

A week before Halloween, I come home from school and meet a small black cat looking like an old lady. Perched on the bed with my mom and sister who had already met her. I was the one who came up with the name Molly, (to keep with the theme of names starting with the letter M), and the name stuck. Over the next year and a half, we got to take care of the derpiest, grumpiest, and most indignant little sack of potatoes and black fur we’d ever met. She had a meow that sounded like a squeaky toy, a hiss that sounded like she was choking, a walk that was more like an unbalanced sideways waddle, an expression that ranged from shock to confusion to annoyance at all times of the day, and a tail like a baseball bat. 

Throughout that time, it was easy to come to love Molly, and before meeting her, I’d never developed an attachment to someone with her personality. I loved everything about her, so when I said goodbye after my mom let us see her one more time before taking her carrier to the vet one last time, and returned without her an hour or so later, I knew that was it. 

Even though I didn’t have as much time as I would’ve liked with Molly, I don’t regret anything or wish any decision we’d made changed. It’s so easy to think about her and how she lived her life with us, and I always want to laugh when I do.


We were on the way home from Morro Bay, and I was really tired, but my mom really wanted to see the ostriches. That’s all there were. Big angry fluff balls with 2 legs and a long neck sticking out of them. They were funny to look at though, they bobbed their heads in a weird way when they went to eat the food, and they looked at you like you were the funny looking bird (I suppose in their eyes, we were the funny looking birds). When they ran around it was like they were trying to imitate an anime character, except that they didn’t have arms to fling behind them. Truly a majestic sight if I do say so myself.

It was probably one of the most interesting experiences of my life.

My Unfinished Puzzles

When I think about my future, I’m able to think up to the end of highschool before I become unsure of myself. And while there are little bits and pieces that are stable enough to walk on, most of my future ahead is broken up into puzzle pieces, all swirling around like space debris. If I look far off enough, I might be able to see where there are no longer pieces to place, and I will drop off into the void below if I try to continue. But I have miles of bridge to build before I get there, and so many years left to live my life before I get to say goodbye. 

I want to travel a lot and make more art and meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends, try a lot of new foods, get a stable job I enjoy with flexible work hours, find new ways to be motivated, adopt some cats (and maybe one raccoon).

I want to create my own little world and bring together everybody I love, my friends, my pets, and my family. I want to find comfort in people I love, and I want to be able to do the same for those people. I want to feel free to make my own choices, and create my own experiences. 

Though I think what I want most is to be able to look back on my life and not focus on what I could’ve changed, or could’ve done better, or bad decisions I could’ve avoided. I don’t want to think about imperfections or mistakes. I don’t want to trap myself by thinking of how I could’ve been perfect. Too often already, I’ve thought about things I wish I’d never done and decisions I wish I’d never made. It’s an endless loop, like the moon orbiting the earth or the earth orbiting the sun. 

I don’t want to feel stuck. I don’t want to feel like I could be my best, a complete puzzle, but like there’s just a few pieces missing. I don’t want to stop building my bridge until I reach the end.

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