Why do we continue to love, even when it can hurt?

Delirious, drunk, deep in an unknown state. We feel passion and drive, and a willingness to do things we would never imagine doing. Humans can be heavily swayed by strong emotions, such as love. Familial love, romantic love, platonic love; it can be present in many different forms. Nonetheless, love is an emotion that can greatly influence our lifestyles. But what happens when that influence becomes an interference? Suddenly, weekends are occupied, our interests are shifted, and most importantly, we’re losing hold of ourselves. First, it’s an unnoticeable change, but there will always be one point in time where our rational shifts. The ability to think somewhat changes. Although this type of response is typically normal, some of the relationships that we pursue hurt us more than we think. An unhealthy relationship can only encourage these bad habits and can also lead to negative outcomes. So why? Why do we change so much of ourselves for the sake of love, even when it can turn out to be harmful? There isn’t really a direct explanation for such a phenomenon, since human emotions can be quite complex. A possible reason, however, is that humans can be naturally selfish, and continue to persist in our desires without considering the consequences. 

A common trope in media, that is especially targeted towards the teenage audience, is that there will be someone out there for us, our “one true love.” The character that develops this crush will often venture on crazy journeys to end up with the person they love. Of course, most of these crushes that are developed are unrealistic for comedic purposes, however many romance stories will dive deeper. These characters are complex beings with complex feelings. Maybe they’re aware they will never end up with the one they love, but they still persist anyways. The audience gets to see how these characters react in situations of happiness, anger, or sadness. These stories reflect the reality of the world. We know that some of our desires are wrong, yet we can’t stop. We continue to fantasize about unattainable celebrities, fictional characters, or even random people that don’t even know our names. Many consider this an unhealthy mindset, or even an unhealthy obsession, however we tend to put our own priorities first. Being given this advice, however, we usually put it on the side. The Seven Samurai accurately demonstrates this kind of situation. Shino, the daughter of a farmer, begins to engage in a relationship with one of the samurai, Katsushiro. Of course, she keeps this relationship a secret, knowing the consequences it would come with if anybody found out. Unfortunately, this fear comes true as her father discovers her secret, obviously furious with her. She was aware that her relationship with the samurai was risky, however that didn’t stop her from pursuing her lover. Like Shino, we continue to chase after the people that we want to be with, even with prior knowledge of the risks that it comes with.

Is it really selfishness when we want the best for the ones we care about? This question is raised and it would seem like the answer is obvious. However, there are many more factors to consider. Do we really want the best for them? Or do we want what benefits us the most? Perhaps we want what we think is best for them, without taking into account other outside components. Siddhartha is a prime example with his son. Ever since the death of Kamala, their son has been in need of discipline and is often rude to his own father. However, Siddhartha pushes all of this aside and continues to shower him with love. This doesn’t fix anything, and his son becomes more distant with him than ever. Siddhartha thought that pampering his son was the best solution, but what caused him to come to this conclusion? Is this what he really thinks is best for his son? Or is a good relationship with his son all he wants? While the book doesn’t quite elaborate on this, the possibilities are endless. This also brings up another point — why do we feel the need to protect our loved ones, and make decisions for them? Is this what’s best for them, or ourselves? Are there ulterior motives that can be played into this, even if it isn’t on purpose? This question can only be answered depending on the person, but it only goes to show the complexity of human nature. 

We often make risky decisions for the sake of love. We change ourselves to impress those we care about. We feel the need to take control over those we love. Is it really all worth it? Going back to the original question, why do we still continue to love even when we are aware of the outweighing consequences? We shouldn’t feel the need to achieve the approval of others, especially those that we love. Genuine love is the kind when we appreciate each other the way we truly are. Otherwise, it’s all just fake. They don’t love you. Just another version of you. If we don’t stay true to ourselves, we end up losing ourselves. We want to fulfill our desires. We want the approval of those we love. But we should also consider the outcomes that may occur as well. We need to be careful, and truly think about what is best for us, even if we may not like it.

2 thoughts on “Why do we continue to love, even when it can hurt?

  1. I love and agree with everything you said in this blog! I continue to love when it hurts because I don’t want to give up on people, and I try to convince myself they are still capable of change. At times, I definitely make decisions for my loved ones because that’s what I believe is right. But I never thought about how it may only be the right choice for me and not other people. I hate to see people hurt by the choices they make, but I agree it is best to let them decide for themselves. Can changing so much of ourselves for the sake of love have good outcomes at times?


  2. Your blog is very informational and it feels a bit conceding about how accurate we change our identities to romanticize ourselves in order to impress someone who in the long term, will probably never last with us. Eventually, some people might be worn down by heartbreak, should they just stop chasing or should you or someone encourage them to participate in group activities to either introduce them to others or for them to feel comfortable that they are not alone?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s