So Far, So Good

In third grade, I moved schools because it was easier for my family’s schedule that way. Leaving my friends and familiarity behind, I had to adjust to a new environment. At 8 years old, school was essentially my entire life. My friends, teachers, place where I had to drive to each day was changing. I remember that I already knew someone in the class because I went to dance with her. Knowing that there was a sense of familiarity and guidance at the new school made me feel comforted. On the first day, I was there, I sat where the friend I already knew sat at break and answered questions about myself. The next day, I had shown up at the same spot since we had gotten released from class early and one of the girls who sat at our spot yesterday said to me, “Oh so you already know where we sit.” This made me feel that in the two days, I had been there, it was already my new home and I could leave my old school behind.

Everyone has felt jealousy or envy, especially when someone has something that they don’t currently have. This feeling can be towards celebrities or even people in our everyday lives. This can be because someone has more money, friends, or a certain lifestyle. This feeling can go as far as wanting to be someone else and wishing that you were them. This happened as I was growing up. Seeing my friends who have far more money than me and whose parents had traditional careers that were extremely high paying. They lived in big houses and had more stuff than me. I had this feeling throughout my childhood but always knew in the back of my mind that I would never want to live someone else’s life. You never know what someone else could be going through and the trials and tribulations you overcome make life worth living. 

When I was between the ages of 7 or 8 I remember being curious about the youngest mother in the world. It was just one of those dumb thoughts that came to your brain and I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know how children were conceived so I didn’t know the horrors behind this simple question. As I typed in the Google search bar, “youngest mother in the world,” a result popped up, Lina Medina, 5 years old. At the time I thought it was crazy as I couldn’t imagine myself having a kid while being younger than I even was at the time. It wasn’t until later that I realized she had probably suffered rape and sexual abuse to have that happen to her. Her parents and everyone around her allowed this to happen while she was claiming this award-sounding title. 

When I was in third grade, I had to move schools because it was the best decision regarding my dad’s work schedule and quality of education. I wouldn’t say that I had an extremely stable friend group that was my ride-or-die, but it was a solid group of people. Let’s be real. I was in third grade. The parting of my friends and I wasn’t as dramatic as leaving high school or your hometown, but it was still something. My friends and I were sad that I had to move, but we all eventually went our own ways, with them staying at my old school and me at my new school. I’m sure they were all still friends after I moved and I made new friends at my new school. This shows that it’s not always a wrongdoing of someone or conflict that breaks up friendships, but it might just be that you grew apart mentally or physically. For example, it was not my or my friends’ fault that we stopped being friends, but the fact that I had to move. This shows that people that were good to you might not be there forever. 

I always had friends that would make crude or mean jokes. If you ever called them out on it, they would just say that they were joking. Joking. It definitely didn’t feel like that when they said it. If you ever called them out on it, they would say that you’re too sensitive and shouldn’t take everything so seriously. What I’ve learned is that all jokes have some sort of truth to them. Realizing this made it hurt even more. Being someone who cannot confront for the life of them and avoids conflict at all costs I’ve learned to just brush it off and not take it seriously, even though after they say what they’ve said there is a glimpse of sadness that I show. I know how alone and isolated you feel from everyone when you feel a certain way about something they said and no one else gets it. This was when I was hanging out with my friends and one of them makes a dumb joke about another one. This is when I defend the friend who was being made fun of and after the hang out she expresses that she was thankful I stood up for her. This is when I realize how important it is to not surround yourself with people who act like that and to find solidarity with others that are in the same boat as you.

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