Expectation Not Met

I decided to go to a high school near my house before the pandemic hit. I thought with my good grades, before I knew of the pandemic and what it would do to me, would last until I graduated. Honestly I don’t remember studying much in middle school and getting a good grade on tests and quizzes. I was so excited for high school. Then, online school interfered with my learning methods. It left me to be confused and become more of an over thinker. Because of this, I couldn’t reach out to teachers, ask for help during Zoom meetings, and I felt lazy and unfamiliar while staying at home.

I heard that for my next year of high school was going back to in person learning. I thought, “Oh, I’m finally going to the school classrooms! I will be able to get good grades for sure if I go back to school.” Of course, it wasn’t that easy adjusting back to sitting at a desk in a room full with 30 students after being stuck in your house for a year. On top of that, teachers kept giving homework, leaving me little time to adjust. The habits from online learning remained and affected me in coming to school and learning. I realized once again that I will have to try to get rid of these bad habits in order to go back to being an organized student.

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Action

Remembering things and actions I regretted makes me motivated to change for the better. Falling asleep while doing homework because I was too tired and felt lazy, or saying things I didn’t because of how I was feeling at that time. There are many things people will recall when they grow older. I regret a lot of things and I can recall the memories of those events even if it’s been one year or six years. I continue to refrain from saying things because of my temporary emotion and improve my patience.

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The Outside

As I grew older, I started to be wary of my surroundings. Like how my knowledge grows every year, my emotions grow too. In my seventh grade, insecurities started to expand and my worries about other people’s thoughts increased as well. I started caring about what I should wear and how I look. I thought to myself, ”She has nice shoes. Her hoodie looks good too.” I felt embarrassed when I wore clothes I didn’t like. Going through sophomore year, I started to understand that my grades and studies are more important than my appearance.

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Motivated To Succeed

I thought to myself, “I wish I had clothes like that.” The UNIQLO sign is shining brightly, appealing to me and telling me to come in even though I know very well I won’t buy anything. I thought the prices were unreasonable because I saw websites with cheaper prices for similar items. Of course, cheaper prices means cheaper material. I found out the truths about those websites and what was behind the cheap prices. 

Going onto my phone and watching FreeZia’s YouTube videos satisfied me and made me motivated. She got accepted into a low acceptance rate college and has shopping hauls for expensive brands. “I’ll earn a lot of money and not worry about the prices from time to time.” In that short amount of time, I learned more about my future paths and took advantage of the motivation that I’m not sure when is going to run out.

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Starting From A Question

The classroom was loud and full of conversation. I can see myself in a third point of view. Myself being alone with no one to talk to. The start of 6th grade, when I started to become self-aware of my lackings (insecurities). My personality during that year was quiet and made me like an extra in a movie except that movie was from others perspective. 

“Hey, you’re in Mr. Wilson’s 3rd period too, right?”

That one question changed my life and along with 3 others. My middle school friends. They were comfortable to talk to. My personality became open and more social than it was before thanks to them. I started establishing new friendships and great memories. Taking the chance to get to know people will definitely benefit whether it improves your social skills or your relationships.

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Fooled By The Cover

“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I’ve heard that phrase at least 100 times. Did I follow the phrase and not judge people? No, I tried following it, but it was already too late. I had judged people that had rude, weird, and nice first impressions. Like how lots of people say first impressions are important, I judged them based on the first impressions. I learned more about them and grew closer to them. Only then did I realize that first impressions are mostly unreliable. Continuously getting fooled by the cover, I soon learned that I shouldn’t assume things before I got to know them.

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New Places To Go

It was time for her to move out. She received the education she needed, and took enough part-time jobs. I asked, “When is your flight?” I remember the conversation taking place. I felt sad, happy, lonely, excited, and confused. 

The day finally came and as I was seeing her off I could feel my eyes starting to sweat. I knew she wasn’t leaving for good, but I wouldn’t be able to see her for a long time. My sister was someone who inspired me and encouraged me. I knew she was moving out of state for her future, so I wasn’t sad for long and I felt happy for her.

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