Hoopin’

For my freshman year, to just get to the point… I didn’t make the sport that I desired to make, basketball. When I didn’t see my name on that list, I was discouraged… pissed at myself. Afterward, everybody who knew my background was quite surprised. In middle school, I was the only one who made it as a sixth-grader. If I’m going to be real, seeing my name with all the older students shocked me, but I was very excited. I had very high hopes for my middle school years and onto my high school years. Fast forward to freshman year, I could see why I didn’t make it. During covid times, I would just relax and just play video games… all day. Whereas I should’ve stayed disciplined and worked my butt off. If and only if I knew the outcome of that back then, I would tell myself to just do the hard work while nobody else is. Not only that but to motivate me to work out during that time. Going into tryouts, what did I expect… gassed way too early. I was not ready for this.

Hoopin’

Over the summer, I was motivated and grinded and grinded… every single day. At summer camp, I was given a challenge of 200 push-ups and 200 sit-ups. Onto JV tryouts, I was scared… afraid of failing. I had no confidence in my game since all I was thinking about was not making the coach mad and turning the ball over. I couldn’t play my own game, everything was just in my head. I was thinking all of this because I really wanted to make it this year since last year was not it for me.

Sooner or later, I found out that I also did not make it for the JV team. I wanted to give everything up. I lost motivation, I lost the passion and love for the game. I didn’t want to play anymore. Some of the players on the team told me to just be a manager and part of the team. After people started to tell me, I told myself, “You know what, it can’t be that bad, might as well just do it since you can still get into the games for free.” It was something, but I would definitely rather choose to be playing on the floor.

Volleyball

It was just a normal day of school and I entered English class. I sit down and begin to hear the announcements. It started off with all the spirit days coming up and then I hear, “Boys Volleyball Tryouts on Tuesday, 1:45-3:45.” I was debated on if I wanted to try out volleyball for fun and see how it goes. I played in middle school, but that was not serious at all, just the basics. That day, there was basketball practice at 4 o’clock and I usually would wait after school. Realizing that I had nothing to do in the meantime, I decided that I was going to try out. During the tryouts, I messed around a lot and just had fun. I didn’t care about what the coaches thought of me. I had a lot of confidence when I was playing and especially a lot of fun. Whereas in basketball, the whole time I was just thinking about what the coaches thought of me and I couldn’t play. I learned that I shouldn’t care as much and just be myself. Now for sophomore year, I made the team and looking forward to it.

The time I saw my mom cry

I just got home and lay all my stuff on the ground. Coming home from a long day, I felt very exhausted, fatigued. All I wanted to do is just lay on my bed and close my eyes. I stroll to my room and immediately take off my backpack. Jumping onto my bead, I say in my head, “Ahh, resting after a long day feels so nice” and proceed to close my eyes. Sooner or later, my mother calls me to come out to eat pho for dinner. I was tired. My eyelids felt so heavy. Eventually, I come out and see that my sister was already there.

It was just the three of us and then she brought me my bowl. I was eating and all of a sudden, I see my mother’s eyes. Red. I was confused, asking my sister “What happened?” She kept quiet. A moment of silence occurred and then my mom finally spoke. She told me that she found out that my father was been cheating on her with somebody else. My mom’s heart shattered, feeling so fragile and vulnerable. At this time in my life, my sister and I were young kids. I wasn’t able to imagine how it really felt for my mother.

Furious

After the pain and desire of wanting him back in my life, I decided I’m done. My mother and I both decided that we didn’t need him in our lives and should just move on. My father left and came back several times. The second time he came back, I didn’t forgive him. I wanted him out. I used all that pain into strength. In my life, there have been countless times I have been in an argument with my father.

Looking back, there were many moments that were immensely heated. One time, I was just playing games and out of the blue, he comes into my door. At the time, I didn’t have a headset and I used earphones… which he doesn’t like. He says that the earphones will make me deaf in the future. In his response, he grabbed the earphones and took them right off me. Right after that, he grabbed me by the ear and stood me up. I raised my hands and kept telling him “I got nothing in my hands, I got nothing in my hands.”  He grabbed me so hard and yelled, “You wanna fight. You wanna fight HUH!”

The reason for this would be because this was after many arguments and whenever we see each other in the house, death stares exchange.

My heart rate increasing, my palms sweating, I’m breathing at a rapid pace. My hands began to form into fists. Replaying the scene again, I was so mad. I wanted to fight him. I wanted to punch him right in the face. The only thing stopping me was that my mother was right in front of both of us and she broke it up. As if right now, I don’t want anything to do with my father nor do I need him. A person like him doesn’t deserve any respect. I said that straight to my mother when we were on the road heading home one time. Next time another situation like this happens, I’m not holding back.