“What was the most important task? I wanted to do so many things”
I took off my worn out shoes and rested my tired soul in the comfort of my bed sheets. Another day passed by: the same routine, the same expressions, the same people, and yet again, the same day. All this sameness made me feel tired and empty all the time. I looked at my planner and saw that there were less bullet points than expected. Did I forget to write down all of my tasks? Panicked, I count my fingers – each associated with one task. Whew. Although I expected more tasks to be done, there were still plenty enough to make anyone go mad.
“But there wasn’t a space around for me to rest without worrying”
As I felt guilty for resting and not being productive, I sluggishly rolled out of bed with a frown. Shuffling to the kitchen table, I opened my textbook and began to endlessly write. I worried about my assignments and errands as my stomach grumbled on and on.
“I wanted to do so many things but I kept being chased by time”
One more question and then I’ll eat. It then became two more, then five more, then one more assignment, until I couldn’t bear the hunger anymore. A thought then occurred to me. What am I going to do in the future? I have to choose something great. This emptiness came from an unknown and was eating away my mind and soul. After the befuddling question began to hurt my head, I sloppily made myself dinner as I studied for my next exam. And as the quiet house echoed with every tick of the clock, hours and hours passed by with me sitting in the same position: head down and eyes constantly moving from left to right. Worried relentlessly, my droopy eyes were clouded with tears as the stress got to me. I did not sleep until the sun rose to waken the world.
“It’s alright to stop. There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason. It’s alright to not have dream”
As I endlessly slept, ignoring my alarms, I dreamt of a scene where I saw myself at peace for the first time in a long while. After waking up from the blissful dream, I had an epiphany: Am I really living life if I continue on this path? As I got up from the bed, I began to think over why I was trying so hard.
“While it is okay to prepare yourself to broaden your options in the future, why work so hard without a set goal?” I asked myself. It took me a while to realize that my dreams and goals in life did not have to be great or as life changing as choosing a career; it could just be visiting that one restaurant that I’ve always wanted to eat at or perhaps to simply sleep early.
“Now stop that foolish race.” “All the breaths you breathe are already in paradise.”