“It’s my party and I’ll cry if want to”

“I’m laughing, I’m crying, It feels like I’m dying”

The feeling of entrapment is not a pleasant one.  People have come to see me and yet I feel lost.  Ridiculed by the endless sea of eyes that are there just to stare and deem me unfavorable.  But oh, I must maintain my resolve.  Must keep up my glass facade that is so fragile just a simple phrase could cause me to shatter and disappear.  I have to keep strong.  Laugh off the words that are so easily inflicted upon me with a tone of friendliness and ease but hide an underlying tone of malice and disgust.  Though I am close to breakage, I  must remain perfect.  The poster being.  No flaws and no cracks.  Nobody will be able to see into me and witness the scars and lacerations.  They will just witness the best part of me.  A mere reflection of what is hiding inside threatening to come out and reveal itself to the world.

“Maybe if I knew all of them well

I wouldn’t have been trapped inside this hell that holds me”

Oh to love people as friends do and not just utter acquaintances.  To be able to interact with ease and grace and without the awkwardness that follows me around like a shadow unrelenting and ceaseless.  Maybe then I wouldn’t be deemed unlikable. 

Maybe then, I would never be alone.  Would never have to feel the immeasurable loneliness that is reminiscent of what one would feel in hell.  But for now, I must deal with it and let it fester.

“You don’t know the pain that you are causing

Yeah, your actions hurt, so do your words”