“I was afraid of myself, I was fleeing myself, I wished to destroy myself”
(Siddhartha)
There was this kid who lived in my neighborhood once and he’d always wear a bandaid on his face or arm or knee, or whatever. And yeah, everyone had scratches from doing dumb kid stuff, but he’d brag about what crazy shenanigans he did to get his “battle scar.” Thing is, when the bandaid fell off there was nothing there.
For whatever reason, maybe it was to show how brave he was, or to look like a chad, he showed off his fake injuries. But the difference between this kid and most adults is that he wasn’t afraid of others knowing he’d been injured. Adults don’t show their struggles, which leads to others not knowing if they need support.
Why is it hard for people to be vulnerable, set aside pride, and ask for help?
What separates children and grown-ups seems to be insecurity about others knowing their weaknesses. This can lead people to pretend they have none. Whereas kids are proud of wearing bandaids like badges of honor, adults don’t allow themselves to look exposed for fear of others seeing them as weak or taking advantage of it. Weakness, in our minds, equates to less success in life.
But in the end, we can see the consequences of hiding injuries, and we need to occasionally lean on the guidance of others. Being cognizant of pride while balancing its drawbacks with benefits, and knowing when to offer and receive support comes with discipline – discipline we can develop to live happier lives that we’re more in control of.
“Your head is on the block…and all you can think about is your whiskers?”
(7 Samurai)
Your head is on the block. Someone who bears the most work or doesn’t allow others to help burdens themselves unnecessarily. All you can think about is your whiskers. The desire to work the hardest, or outdo the rest can come from the thought that you’re better than the competition. While being proud of your own abilities can make you feel more confident, this often leads to equating self worth with performing better than others. “I’m only worth the results I yield” – this is a lie we tell ourselves to justify overworking at the cost of peace of mind, or mental health.
How can pride show up?
The Farmer: Maybe we all have some of the farmer in us (samurai quote): constant worry about the harvest not being good enough or overcompensating for bandits who steal our food. Being self absorbed could mean always worrying about what others think of you – which could be why people don’t open up.
The Samurai: On the other end, we could be so focused on portraying ourselves as better or stronger than others that we push others away.
How to control pride?
A week of limiting social media’s distractions and avoiding overexertion to focus on an Epicurean lifestyle allowed me to become more aware of how pride gets in the way of daily life. The constant bustle of every day’s challenges can make you become closed off as a result of seemingly endless work and little rest. And yet, the week mostly helped me appreciate people in my life whom I allowed to be overshadowed by responsibility. Furthermore, I thought my responsibilities gave me an excuse to isolate when I should have been inviting.
In the time and place we live in today, it can be easier to pour time into work for personal satisfaction than to appreciate what and who makes life really fulfilling.
But how can one learn to have real confidence instead of excessive worry or pride? From teachers and coaches, I’ve heard many pieces of advice.
“You’re not stressed. You’re excited.” – Coach Bivens
“Don’t think about whether you will win or lose. You don’t know what will happen and you will perform just as well as you have practiced.” – Coach Bivens
But advice and pep talks will only get you as far as the value you place on the wisdom behind it. In the end, it comes down to how you perceive a lesson and what you can do with the information. As a coach, I sometimes find it very difficult to pass on what I know and for students to really understand. But teaching is only half the battle, and what a student gains all depends on how they interpret the teachings. Knowing this, I’m content that I’m working at my current best level and there’s room for improvement, but it’s now up to the student to finish learning on their own. I interpreted this from a coach who helped me and I look up to the most.
It’s difficult to set aside pride because of how we think it’ll hurt. We think it’ll hurt our ego, our confidence, our self portrayal to others. It will at first, and it may not get easier. But I’ve found that the security and humility it takes to ask for help is worth more than the lie that being vulnerable is being weak. It may take strength for some to be vulnerable – so help them out when they open up…it may be what they need most at the moment. Helping to teach someone about themselves can even make you more aware of your own life.
“Within you there is a retreat and sanctuary to which you can retreat anytime and be yourself”
(Siddhartha)
Write Our World 
I really like your cover, it really conveys emotion and what you are talking about.
LikeLike
I like the part about Bivens. It’s interesting to think from his point of view.
LikeLike
I really like the advice you gave in the last paragraph, I’m going to use this advice to better myself this coming summer. 😀
LikeLike
I really liked your incorporation of multiple pictures throughout your writing. It really made the piece stand out and they helped to better detail the argument you were making. I also agree with your argument in that asking for help is sometimes hard to do, but very necessary. Undoubtedly, I bet I would’ve made a lot less mistakes in life if I had had the courage to speak up.
LikeLike
I love the way you transition parts of your writing in the piece! It was done so smoothly and swiftly, I followed each part of the topic without confusion. Yes, pride can definitely bring exhaustion and overloaded work. Too much of it can also lead us to disrespecting others, or not appreciating them.
LikeLike
I love the way you transition parts of your writing in the piece! It was done so smoothly and swiftly, I followed each part of the topic without confusion. Yes, pride can definitely bring exhaustion and overloaded work. Too much of it can also lead us to disrespecting others, or not appreciating them.
LikeLike
I can closely relate to this post. Often I feel like it is uneccesary to ask for help, whether it would hurt my pride or inconvenience others. Yet as a kid, I had no hesitation in asking for help, often annoying my mom and dad to help me out with everything I did. I loved how you put Adventure Time as the cover of the post, which is ultimately why I clicked on it. Thank you so much for sharing about your personal experiences and for giving us your advice!
LikeLike
I can closely relate to this post. Often I feel like it is uneccesary to ask for help, whether it would hurt my pride or inconvenience others. Yet as a kid, I had no hesitation in asking for help, often annoying my mom and dad to help me out with everything I did. I loved how you put Adventure Time as the cover of the post, which is ultimately why I clicked on it. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences and for giving us your advice!
LikeLike