It Did Not Help, Except It Did

Look at the bright side of things.

Be positive.

Know that it is okay.

Those statements are what I’ve been told my whole life when I wanted to cry and be alone. And being young, I never really understood how these statements would help me battle stress or failure. I would always tell myself: Be positive, it’s okay, look for something beautiful. But as I grew older, I found that to me this technique never really worked.

Instead, I found inspiration in my goals and my stupidity.

When I was younger, I never really cared about school. I did have moments where my heart dropped after getting a horrible score, but I never tried to improve. Finally, when I was told I was one of the top students in my 4th grade class, a realization hit me. I had potential, if only I tried.

I began focusing on school, studying hard, paying attention in class, and spending less time on leisure activity. And with that came straight A’s and awards that I never expected. I began finding encouragement not from being positive, but from success. So every time I would study, I would always ask myself, why am I putting myself through hours of pain? And again, I would remind my 4th grade self, this is for your farewell to 5th grade. To leave behind your elementary school days and take a step towards a new chapter in your life.

Of course, being a student that never tried in school, I also never expected the time, dedication, and complete torture that comes with studying. So, just like any other student, in my feelings of procrastination, I would literally build an obstacle course out of household items and race against my dog the day before a test. Not only was I constantly lectured for making such an irresponsible decision, but I began getting reminded every single day to stop making stupid decisions, because I would, like many other times, fail my test. Still, it didn’t matter much because that stupid decision helped me feel better.

Why would you do that?

I don’t know.

(fun obstacle course or exercise to do to relieve stress)

When I finished 5th grade, a whole new workload came with the different classes of Middle School. This obviously meant: NO MORE STUPID DECISIONS. However, every test, again I would ask myself why I would put myself through hours of exhaustion. And often, through my watery eyes, I would remind myself that I was doing this for my 8th grade graduation. Despite that, sometimes, I would find myself spending hours binge watching my favorite shows, or scrolling on Tiktok, or my YouTube feed instead of studying. Then came my parent’s lecturing and yelling, which consisted of the importance of responsibility, getting good grades, and most importantly: stop making stupid choices. But still, these stupid choices were the main reason why I survived through the constant stress.

Why would you do that?

I don’t know.

(face timing friends and watching shows together to relax)

I am currently a sophomore in high school and I can safely say that setting a goal of succeeding is a way to motivate myself through life and especially school. But, I found that taking a break sometimes from all the stress and doing something stupid can contribute to you thriving. I stayed up until 3 am one time before my AP test to laugh with my friends and sing random songs and I can say it gave me one of the best stress reliefs I have had in awhile. However, I am not saying that being positive is something that does not work in bringing relief and encouragement. Everything is different for everyone, not just from the way you look or what you do, but what brings you happiness, and for me, striving to succeed and doing something simple as just being stupid is just about right. Nevertheless, this beginning year, I have struggled with all my classes and managing my work. I have cried and I have questioned myself by giving up and not trying anymore. But like my past years, I reminded myself of my goals and slowly built my motivation through these larger and loftier goals that grow with me. For the next two years in high school, my goal is to walk down the aisle in a white gown with cords covering my neck, celebrating my high school graduation with my family and friends. Maybe in the future, if I graduate from school my goal might be to graduate from college or maybe to have a family. I’ll know that it doesn’t matter what age limits me from doing something random and stupid. Maybe I’ll buy a giant balloon and blow it up with my family.

Why would you do that?

I do it because it is stupid.

It did not help, except it did.

(funny images I want to recreate with my friends)
(succeeding with friends)

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